Eyes
by WhiteLadyDragon
Summary: The day Rose Quartz was to give birth to Steven, Pearl didn't take it well. She would sorely regret it. Pre-canon.


_**Disclaimer!**_ **All fictional entities featured or mentioned in this segment belong to Rebecca Sugar and Cartoon Network. This fan fiction was written for pure entertainment purposes and generates no profit whatsoever.**

 **This is my first-ever SU and first femslash fic. I love Steven and the Crystal Gems. I love Pearl especially. This may or may not have happened in the actual story, but considering some of the dubious things Pearl has done recently on the show, I decided it not too far-fetched that this was her reaction to Rose deciding to have Steven. But you are welcome to disagree.**

 **Constructive feedback is mightily appreciated!**

 _ **Eyes**_

Every day Rose gets a tiny bit bigger. Every time Pearl blinks her gem protrudes that much farther out. Although the war ended millennia ago the world looks so threatening all over again. The slightest bump against a hard surface could spell the end for Rose and her unborn son.

Yes, a son. Rose says she can feel it, and Greg, ever the insipid twit, grins and plays guitar and goes along with it. Garnet confirms it with her future vision. Amethyst cheers at the prospect of having someone new to roughhouse with.

 _That can't be right_ , Pearl thinks more than a bit angrily. _Gems don't follow human conventions like gender._

But it's all just a show. The three (five technically since Garnet is a fusion, no, Greg doesn't count) have stood by Rose Quartz for over 5,000 years. They're not about to stop now.

Deep down, they are mourning.

Deep down, Pearl is in pain. Rose is in danger and she can't save her.

For months Pearl bites her proverbial tongue and sticks to Rose's side as her guard, as a thorn protects the flower that shares their leader's name, but Greg just won't _go away_. His mangy hair is falling out and he lives in his van with all those primitive noise-makers (that's all they are, that's all they're good for). What would he possibly know about being a proper father?

Why couldn't he just leave well enough alone? Had he, none of this would be happening.

Pearl remembers all too well what the day Steven was born was like. On the border where June ends and July begins (how terribly appropriate), it's too warm. Too bright. The seas are calm, the tide lazily lapping the beach outside the temple, the front of which stands a wood house Greg and the Gems have built to better accommodate the baby.

But a storm is raging inside Pearl. She's bottled up her emotions for so very long. On this day she can't take it anymore.

Rose stops tossing up suggestions for the list she's making with Greg on what foods Steven can eat, assuming he will need to eat (they've already picked out a name for him, it's not even a Gem name).

Normally Pearl is the one Rose confides in for plans. But today she emerges from her room after an unusually intense fencing session. It was supposed to help quell the fury bubbling inside her but it's failed. She's just as restless as she'd been when she'd started.

She wonders if this is what a caged animal feels like. Greg had said that it usually takes 9 months for a baby to develop in utero but it's been a full year since he and Rose…

Pearl stops before she makes herself ill. Before he came along, Pearl didn't think Gems could be "sick."

Greg helps Rose up to her feet in his pathetic uncertain way, tucking himself under her arm where Pearl used to belong. Rose smiles lovingly at her human mate, her hand over his over her perfectly round stomach. "Ah, Pearl! You're done training? You're just in time." Her layered white dress trails behind her as she approaches Pearl, her steps still graceful even with a new life growing inside her.

Their fingers intertwine in the easy way they always have when she takes her hand. "Greg and I are making a list of things Steven will need, and we could use your help," she says, her voice warm and like satin, her lips so pink and full that Pearl couldn't resist placing her mouth on them whenever they fused into Rainbow Quartz.

Rainbow Quartz…

"Yes" rolls around at the tip of Pearl's tongue— _I would do anything for you_ —but she swallows it back down, whereupon her throat constricts. She lets Rose hold her hand but she can't stand to look into her dark velvety eyes. Instead she averts her unworthy gaze to the refrigerator on her left that would become a museum for Steven's many drawings and comics in the years to come, but Pearl doesn't know that yet.

She can't even see clearly in front of her. Her anger makes everything look like it's melting. And she thought Ruby was supposed to have the hot temper.

How can Rose be so nonchalant about this? Is Steven that much more important than the Gems? Than _Pearl?_

Pearl doesn't answer. Rose must sense something is wrong—she was always so brilliant, except when it came to Greg, and this—because Pearl hears the worried hesitation in the way she says her name: "Pearl?"

She always adored how her name sounded when Rose said it, so sweet and yet so powerful. Rose made her feel powerful.

They have talked about it over and over. Yet every time had felt like the first, the agony always fresh and raw. Rose might as well take her sword and stab Pearl through her head. It would be less painful than what's bound to happen soon.

"What's wrong, my Pearl? You can tell me."

 _My Pearl. I'm your Pearl._

Greg stands in front of the couch, unsurprisingly looking as nervous and unsure as ever. He and Pearl have had friction between them since practically day one, and almost nothing he'd done to try to ease it had done the job. Maybe for everyone else, but not Pearl.

She chokes out, "Nothing. It's not important." She still can't look at Rose.

"Of course it is. Please Pearl, talk to me. We've always been able to talk to each other."

 _In a matter of days, we won't anymore._

She trembles in fear and at Rose's touch. The tears obscure her vision until all she can see are blurs. Not again!

"I told you, it's not important. Clearly it isn't or else you wouldn't be going through with—with _this!_ "

Now she seals her eyes so she doesn't have to see the shock and hurt that must be etched in Rose's face. She's always been so patient with her and this time is no different. What had Pearl done to deserve her? "What? Oh Pearl, I promise I'm not dying. I will still be with you in spirit."

"It won't be the same! He won't be _you!_ " she shouts, a fist shielding her large pale eyes. "How could you—"

An irrational idea strikes her like a bolt of electricity from a Homeworld Taser. Her eyes burst open.

Maybe there _is_ still a chance to save her?

"Rose, fuse with me!"

The larger Gem blinks at her. "Wh-what?"

Pearl springs forward to take both her thick but dainty hands in hers. They could be so much closer to each other if Steven wasn't blocking her. Him and Greg. "Please fuse with me! We can still save you! If we become Rainbow Quartz and stay that way—"

"I-I'd love to, Pearl, but I don't think—"

"Why not? Ruby and Sapphire can stay together as Garnet indefinitely. Why can't we?"

 _I love you the way Ruby and Sapphire love each other. Without you, I'm nothing._

"Pearl, please stop. I can't fuse anymore. Not while I'm carrying Steven. His body might not be able to turn into light like ours can."

Frustration foams from Pearl's mouth like an Earth animal infected with rabies. Of course. She was a fool to think Rainbow Quartz could solve anything. The first time she'd fused with Rose was an attempt to drive Greg away, and clearly she had failed.

" _Then why did you bother having him?"_

Garnet, who's been watching this scene from against the wall with arms crossed, suddenly stands ramrod straight in silent bewilderment. Amethyst shakes from her spot around the counter. Her boisterous demeanor had always belied her intolerance for personal conflicts.

Greg finally runs up to get between them. "Hey, come on! Let's all just calm down. Lay off, Pearl. Rose doesn't need this right now."

Before she can muster the desire to stop herself, Pearl whirls around to push him to the ground. "Not any more than she needs _you!_ I've been there with Rose since before your ancestors even learned what fire was! And I can't see how your kind has changed much since then."

This is a slight exaggeration on her part, but Greg seems ignorant enough to believe it.

" _Pearl!"_

The single shout of her name freezes her in place. Very, _very_ rarely has Pearl ever heard Rose distraught, and this has to be the first time she and Greg have fought in front of her.

She has just made a fatal tactical error.

Pearl catches a glimpse of Rose's round, soft face as she races past her for the door, too afraid to look back and take responsibility for her tantrum. Her normally shining eyes are dim with sadness and disappointment. Suppose she always knew the depth of Pearl's love for her? There's no way she couldn't have.

Pearl sure hadn't acted like it. And unbeknownst to her then, she would regret that for the rest of her existence.

For the first and only time, she leaves her post.

It's merely seconds after the screen door slams behind Pearl and Rose begins hurrying after her when she lurches over abruptly, overpowered by the first wave of contractions. She almost takes the door off its hinges.

Greg rushes to her. "R-R-Rose! Are you okay?"

Her luscious pink ringlets hang over her stricken face like curtains over the stage that has been Rose's life. Even when in pain, she slides Greg a comforting smile. "I'm fine. It's just…Greg, I think Steven's finally ready to meet you," she moans with a laugh not without sadness for Pearl. She never liked seeing anyone suffer. Especially not for her sake.

" _What?_ Oh my gosh, Rose! Hang on! Just keep breathing like we learned in that class."

Not all the books and classes in the world can prepare Greg for this moment. He frantically calls for Garnet to help him carry her to Amethyst's old mattress lying on the floor.

Garnet in turn orders the youngest of the Gems to go after Pearl.

"Huh? N-no way! I can't miss Rose! If Pearl wants to throw a fit and walk out, it's her loss!" she protests, tears lining her large purple eyes.

"Pl-please, Amethyst, you must," groans Rose, easing herself onto the bed with Greg and Garnet on either side of her. "Pearl couldn't have gotten far. I need to speak to her. I can—oh—I can try to hold Steven back for a while but not forever."

Amethyst sucks in her pouty lips. She can't say no to Rose and there's no time to argue any longer. In case she doesn't come back in time, she scurries over on her stocky legs and throws her short arms around Rose's neck, kissing her forehead.

"I—I love you, Rose," she whimpers. "I promise I'll hurry."

"Thank you, Amethyst, I love you too. N-never forget it."

…

Rose is correct about Pearl. A brief roll around the back of the temple and there she is.

"Whoa."

Trashing Mr. Universe's van, of all things. Amethyst can't decide whether to be scared or excited at seeing normally uptight Pearl acting so wildly. Either way, Rose is counting on her to bring her back before it's—

"Uh, yo, Pearl!"

The taller of the two has just finished slashing up the tires and smashing the windows with her spear, and has punctured three considerable holes into that gaudy logo stamped to the body when Amethyst grabs her attention. She swears later she wasn't in her right mind when she'd done it. In fact, she must not have been in her mind at all.

It's not fair. What did Rose ever see in that imbecile? He's human! He can't fuse with her. What could he give her that Pearl couldn't?

For a moment she thinks she knows the answer, but then chooses to deny it.

Seeing as she could never bring herself to harm him in spite of their many differences, she needed to take it out on the next best thing. It's fortunate that vans are not sentient, but the sound of her blade slicing through the metal is so very satisfying.

It almost makes up for earlier. But not quite.

She's heaving and shaking at the knees (no no she mustn't, she must keep her balance). "A-Amethyst? Ah, this—this isn't what it looks like," she stammers, her spear vanishing out of her grasp in a cloud of sparkles.

"It ain't me you need to say that to, but never mind that. Get your butt back in the house!" She jabs a stubby purple finger at the cliff behind them. "Rose is having the baby!"

The earth stops rotating, the sun beating down on Beach City without mercy.

All she can manage is a breathless whisper: "What?"

Panicking, Amethyst storms over and yanks Pearl's arm almost hard enough to snap it off. She barks, "What, are ya deaf? Steven's comin'! Rose went into labor right after you ran out! Come on!"

They just start up the steps when a radiant pink light pierces through the windows, a herald to Earth of strange, wondrous and dangerous things to come.

 _Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh_ please no _—_

Not that it helps much to ease the pain of Amethyst's loss but for all of her recklessness at least she'd had enough foresight to tell Rose she'd loved her before she disappeared.

Somehow Pearl hadn't. As punishment, the first thing she hears as she shoots through the door is an infant's cry and a tearful:

"Oh Rose…he's perfect. You both are. H—hi, Steven. I'm Dad. We've all been expecting you. W-welcome to the universe…"

Rose Quartz, the leader of the Crystal Gems and the first successful Homeworld rebellion, is gone. In her place lies a small, wrinkly, pink child that squirms so slightly in Greg's meaty arms. The new life is swaddled in a clean, fuzzy pink blanket courtesy of Garnet, who hangs her head in silence. Pearl catches tears trickling down the normally stoic fusion's dark cheeks.

She drops to her knees, struggling to let this scene sink in to shatter her comfortable, obsolete reality.

 _Rose…I…no…_

Amethyst immediately breaks down and races to the mattress to hug Garnet, who reaches down to stroke her unruly white hair while the little one buries her face into her side.

 _I don't know what came over me._

 _I didn't mean to—I shouldn't have left. Did you leave hating me?_

Greg had been by Rose's side the entire time. He'd probably gotten the chance to kiss her goodbye, to hold her hand, to tell her how much he loved her and hear her say it back. He had stepped in where she should have.

How could Pearl have been so selfish? No wonder Rose had fallen for him.

He turns to her then, lowering his head to wipe his eyes dry on the tan line on his shoulder. "Pearl," he sniffs. "I'm sorry. She held out for you as long as she could…"

Even after that horrible display, Greg still doesn't begrudge her. Or at least, he can find it in him to put it aside (and the fact that he will later find his van far worse for wear) for Steven. Because he's all they have left of Rose now.

"H-here. Do you wanna hold him?" he gently offers.

Pearl almost says no when she catches a glimpse of the boy's plump fragile body. His round, six-faceted, dusky pink gem shimmers in the afternoon sunlight where his navel would be.

Where Rose's gem was when it was hers.

She clamors over and holds out her arms. Soon they are to her chest, heavy with the infant staring up at her. His crying simmers down to whimpering, and then to innocent gurgling. Human babies supposedly have poor eyesight when they're born but Steven's not entirely human.

Whatever anger that had possessed Pearl before flies away. What takes its place is sadness, wonder and a profound shame and regret she will carry with her for a long time. One of countless mistakes she will spend possibly the rest of her existence atoning for.

He's got Rose's eyes, her curly hair, her glow, her _blessed_ _Gem_. Greg's right for once. He really _is_ perfect. Steven nests his head into the nook between her breast and shoulder and somehow he sends a wave of love her way that crashes over her, brings back the sting to her eyes. It threatens to drown her like magma, and if it could she'd gladly allow it.

How defective must she be to resent this beautiful baby for his mother's choices?

He can't speak for now and neither can Pearl, but the unmistakable twinkle in his gaze tells her everything Rose might have had she just stayed right here. Or so she imagines. _My Pearl, I forgive you._

Greg reaches over to show Pearl how to properly hold his head and all she can think is,

 _Rose, I'm sorry. I love you. I've always loved you, I should have told you when I had the chance. I swear to you, I will never ever leave his side again._

 _And I'll make sure he knows how much you loved him too._

…

"Sometimes, I wonder if she can see me through your eyes. Oh, what would she think of me now?"

 _Clap._

"Well... _I_ think you're pretty great."


End file.
